On Having Big Boobs: My Anatomy Has Nothing To Do With My Morality
As a kid, I was taught to believe many restricting things about my body, but one stuck with me more than others: the bigger your boobs, the better -- but they better be covered. I accepted that. Then, out of nowhere, I got boobs (at the age of fifteen, I now have have triple D's). And everything changed.
For a long time, I hated them. My friends teased me about them, I got unwanted attention, and I couldn't (and still can't) find a bra that fits. But over the years, I've discovered some positive things about breasts. They aren't just objects for men to drool over and indulge in as they please (although that's how they're almost exclusively portrayed by the media): they are a friggin miracle that nourish and feed young babies (if you choose to have babies). I learned that boobs are actually a pretty awesome part of women's bodies -- just not in the way society generally portrays them. So, I try (and am still trying) to love my boobs. But it's things like the googly eyes of guys, the jealous and/or judging looks of other girls, and the constant "cover yourself up" I hear from adults that threatens to destroy my boob-loving efforts.
For example, today in school my teacher told me to "cover the girls." Just like that, all the confidence I had in the natural beauty of my body was gone, quickly replaced by humiliation and insecurity. I immediately grabbed my jacket and zipped it up, even though I loved the shirt I was wearing. I was angry: who was she to tell me to cover up? Why are breasts so evil? But I know the answer: sexism in our society. It's a huge double standard: "Have big boobs, but be modest about it or you're a slut" our slut-shaming society tells us. Breasts are a completely innocent body part, yet by having them I get so much unwanted sexual attention and am sexualized.
Breasts also play a huge role in my body image issues. I want to love my body, all 150 pounds of it. But how can I do that when people are constantly punishing me for it? This is why I am so confused on this subject. I proudly flaunt my awesome body (boobs included) and I am automatically a slut, or a person of low morals. What the hell? My morals are friggin sky-high. My morals chill on the top of Mt. Everest all like "Yo, challenge me." Yet because I have big boobs, people judge me and question them? Screw that.
I like to look on the positive side of things. I want to be a happy person. But I cannot--will not--let people judge me like that. I hate it. And then there's the pressure to just roll with it, like if I dare defend myself, I'm overreacting or am not being "nice." What would happen if I challenged my teacher and said: "Nah, the girls like some air"? What would happen if I petitioned the school principal to change the dress code because I don't want to be confined by sexist, old-fashioned rules to keep my breasts covered? Bam: I'm a bad person, an overreacter, a complainer. My parents say "Just cover up," my peers say "Don't be such a slut" and I'm left with a crappy reputation based on a part of my body that I can't (and don't want to) change.
I want to have a big body, big boobs, and not be judged for it -- to not be treated like my anatomy has anything to do with my personality or morality. I want to live in peace. Is that too much to ask?
More articles in WMC FBomb by Category: Body image and body standards, Feminism, Media
More articles in WMC FBomb by Tag: Activism and advocacy, Gender bias, Sexism, Discrimination, Sexuality, Identity, Pornography, Reproductive rights