Is This A Problem of Education?
I know this is a common topic of feminist conversations, but the problem comes back very often in my daily life: jealous (I should say almost mad) boyfriends who alienate their naive girlfriends.
Granted that I'm not referring to my personal case (I have a boyfriend who's not even faintly allowed to tell me the things I can or can't do), I'd like to hear what you think about it.
One of my best friends got involved 3 months ago with a boy who's been chasing after her for almost 6 months. The situation is widespread: the nerd guy who runs after a pretty girl telling her he's fallen in love with everything she does and at first courts her like medieval knights did to their ladies. But then, hell on earth came, and the worst thing is that she is now used to it.
Granted, she's never liked a singular detail of the physical/personality/soul/character of this boy (she almost hated him at first, because he acted like a shadow - too pressing), after a long chase she surrendered and got engaged to him. The story is sad since the start: he gives her total love, she's spoiled by all his attentions and never returns his love in any way. She just stays with him because her life seems now more comfortable: she has someone who calls her, someone who gives her gifts, someone who drives her home at night, someone who tells her "you're beautiful". And she seems to enjoy it. Maybe she has persuaded herself to be satisfied. But he is at the same time heaven and hell: he gives her his love, but wants her freedom. So he doesn't let her do anything a common girl would do: no more parties without him, no more nights in the clubs with her friends, no more trips without him, she can't even chat or laugh with the boy of the desk next to her at school.
For me, this is pure madness. And when she tells me all this shit, I always answer:" But that's unbelievable. This is total madness." And she usually replies:" Why? I think it's normal, surely I completely understand my boyfriend. It's normal that he doesn't let me go out with my friends without him, expecially if the friends are boys."
I think the problem isn't if he LETS her do or not do something, but the conviction that he's allowed to tell her what to do. I can't persuade myself that this situation can suit a woman, but telling those things, my friend signs automatically her death's sentence. Where's the respect between a man and a woman?
That's the way society (I'm talking about mine, the Italian one) turns out submissive wives who say:" I like staying at home, cooking, looking after my sons, doing the dishwashing and cleaning the house without my husband's help, because that's what I was born for." Because that's the reality. Many women here convince themselves that this is the right situation, and once again many of us are subdued to men. That's what making our society grow sick. I still think this is a problem concerned with our upbringing: if we grow up with a wrong education, we'll believe that everything's due to men.
Fortunately I'm not, but many of us are.
More articles in WMC FBomb by Category: Feminism, International, Violence against women
More articles in WMC FBomb by Tag: Activism and advocacy, Gender bias, Domestic violence, Europe and Central Asia, Sexualized violence