Bi-sibility

Usually when I first meet someone I never tell them I am bisexual. It never comes up in conversation. In fact I wait until I know that I can trust someone enough to tell them. I hate secrets because when I was young kept a lot of things from my parents, including my budding bisexuality. When I did tell them all I got was "Can't you choose? Can't you just be straight?" It was so typical. Basic biphobia for you.

When I watch T.V. people are either straight or gay: never both. We barely see bi people on T.V. or movies. When they do appear, they do not self-identify as bisexual. They're just themselves. Meet Jenny Schecter of the L Word. First she is bi, doesn't self-identify as bi, then she is a totally a lesbian, and calls herself a lesbian.

Yep, we bi people are chameleons. We do the disappearing act on yah. I am with someone who is of the opposite sex, so obviously I look straight, but ah, hah! I am straight until I say that I am not. Viola: bi-sibility! So when I first meet someone I never mention my sexuality for fear of being ostracized or not understood or even because I don't want to hear "the talk," which is when a straight/gay person can't understand a bi person's feelings for the same/opposite sex. They tell the bi person the reasons for being just straight or gay.

Of course there are a billion stereotypes of the bisexual. They are all sluts, for one. They cheat on their boyfriends with girls. They always have sex with two people. I am not like that at all. In fact, I am completely monogamous. I would never even think about cheating on my boyfriend and an orgy is a very scary prospect for me.

I am looking forward to bringing some more bi-sibility into the world, but it's hard. This reminds me of a Feministe post about how minorities have to have a good, polite persona while talking to an ignorant person about their sexuality. In a way they have to represent a whole community whilst speaking about their personal life. That is the way I feel when I talk about my own bisexuality.