Banish Girl Hate Today

I’ll admit it: I used to be a hater. After I hit 13, for whatever reason, I started to really, really dislike other girls. I was constantly jealous of them, hated when they talked to my array of (oftentimes disgusting/unworthy) boyfriends and basically wanted nothing to do with anyone with breasts who was outside my usual social circle. I just didn’t like them.

Or so I thought.

Actually, now I see I was brainwashed by society into being jealous of them.

Now, 10 years later, I know that most of my “hatred” for the other (beautiful, smart, talented) ladies around me was actually jealousy. Insecurity. A byproduct of a society that was becoming hypersexualized & overly focused on outward appearances.

So yes, I am a victim. And so is every other woman who is alive in America now. Although I don’t claim to be an expert, here is my advice for ways women today can BANISH GIRL HATE!

1. Work on yourself. I’ll try to be as non-cheesy as possible here: You absolutely positively have to love yourself before you can love other women. If you’re constantly putting yourself down for your “fat thighs” or your “frizzy hair,” you will automatically notice those flaws in other women (or notice that they don’t have those things—making yourself feel bad in comparison!) It’s so important to accept things about yourself so that you can accept them about others. Learn to be open-minded, loving & accepting toward yourself first.

2. Befriend both an underdog AND someone “out of your league.” I used only look for friends who I thought were uglier than me. No joke. I think it’s very important to befriend women from all realms. Befriend someone you feel is very attractive. Befriend someone from a different race or culture. Befriend someone all the guys at school pick on (trust me, she’s probably way cooler than any of the girls the guys hit on). As soon as you do this, you’ll quickly realize how many common insecurities (& secret wishes!) all women share.

3. Say NO to petty competition. Women are constantly in competition about so many things, many of which they have little to no control over; the size of their breasts, the color of their skin, the huge birth make on their arm. So try your hardest to remember that everyone is feeling the same stress to compete. Then, forget about the competition entirely--& actively show that you are not participating. Nix the beauty pageants, boycott companies that promote a certain stereotype, start a “positive body image” group at school or simply do something “outside the norm” just because you like it, not because society says it’s “hot.”

I’m more confident with myself now, but I still get upset when I think about all the years I wasted hating on hot, intelligent women who—instead of being my enemies—could’ve actually been some good friends.

Start banishing girl hate in your life today!

Erica Lee is a proud feminist who writes about everything from style to psychology on her personal blog, ericaleexo.com.